Personal sabotage,

I had a cold during the weekend and in a way I am glad that I am finally back to my old self and for a moment I forgot how it is to be just fine and healthy and so today I am in a thankful mood.

When I was getting to work this morning I remembered an incident that made me question the way we relate with others.

There was this gentleman who used to come to my place of work when I was relatively new there and he would nag me to go to see his house every time he came back, on a day that I was feeling very generous I agreed to go with a friend of mine and the only condition I asked was that no alcohol was served in his house.

On the material day, my beautiful friend and I were to go to his house and once he came to meet us at the allocated place, I introduced my friend to him and he looked very uneasy but I just put it down to general nervousness of a guy meeting a beautiful woman for the first time.

When we got to his house, a nice welcome had been made for us and plenty to eat and drink was available and some of his friends were around.

After refreshments we all got to sit and get to know each other and what I found suspicious is that the host kept adding water to his soda and when I asked for some that is when I found out that he was actually adding  an alcoholic drink to the soda, that broke my agreement with him.

That is the only condition that I had requested and to even make matters worse, he completely ignored me and concentrated on my friend. since I had already made my decision on where the relationship was going, I just decided to have a good time and we left with my friend at the end of the day.

My question to date remains, if he was interested to know me why would he sabotage the one chance that he got?

Happy New Year, 2012.

The beginning of the year is the most hopeful time; most of the folks that you talk to are so excited about the New Year that I am yet to meet someone who thinks that the New Year will be a bad one.

How can we make this New Year better than the previous one?

 By changing the way we act and learning from the mistakes that we made last year and trying our level best to be the best that we can be

As for me my only resolution this year 2012, is to be thankful for the little everyday things that I have taken so much for granted.

i)                    I am so thankful that I had a roof over my head last night and I woke up this morning without any kind of pain in my body.

ii)                   Thanks to the fact that I had food to eat and clothes to wear before I left home.

iii)                 Thanks to the fact that I can read and write and especially for the fact that I can use a computer.

iv)                 Thanks to the fact that I can see, hear, smell and move from one place to another.

v)                   I want to be thankful for sound mind and ability to handle a job with all its challenges.

These are the top five that I just picked right out of the hat, yes there will be challenges in the New Year but we are all equipped to handle one day at a time if we don’t carry the baggages of last year.

What is your desire for the New Year?

Forms of Grieving

People handle grieve in different ways and it’s recommended to everyone so that there is closure and someone can move on.

Yesterday was nana Catherine’s burial and I met many of my relatives that I had not seen in a long time. The ceremony began in good time and during the viewing of the body nothing dramatic happened, there was just that quite sadness but I was impressed by my ten year old cousin who was able to calmly say goodbye.

When her casket was lowered to the ground, one of my cousins refused to leave the grave site and cried uncontrollably and even insulted the people who were burying her asking them what they were doing to nana, she could not be comforted no matter what anybody said.

My mama didn’t cry, I guess her pain is greater than any tears .After all she lost her mum.

There were great grand children of nana who cried because they saw others cry.

As for me as I said farewell, I was engraved by so much sadness and I cried softly as we sent her on a new journey resting in peace.

How do you grieve?

Death Has Come

My grandmother Catherine died two days ago and I am just sad. She was eighty six years old and even though I knew she was going to die one day, I am still surprised that its has happened.

Why is it so hard to accept death yet it must happen?

The question that I can’t get out of my mind as I replay our visits together is whether she was happy and fulfilled. When I last spoke to her, she talked about death and that she was ready to go and held nothing bad against anybody.

Does that mean that someone can tell when they are about to die?  So many questions who will provide the answers?

The point I have learnt is to live our lives to the best of our ability and treat the people in our lives with the outmost of respect.

Rest in peace my darling grandmother Catherine.

Who do you need to visit today? Please do it.

WHAT IS MEANT TO BE MUST BECOME.

We try so hard for things to go the way we want them to but most of the time that does not happen and life has now taught me to do the best of my ability and leave what I can’t change.

I have an older friend who has been working in a very stressful work place for the last four years and we talked about her getting a different job even though it would involve her working as a nanny.

Too much stress can lead someone to make hasty decisions and she finally secured a job with a good family to take care of their three children and she was delighted especially because she is very fond of children. She did not inform her former employer that she was leaving.

We can do so much but prevent the unexpected, her former employer tracked her down and accused her of theft and she was remanded in prison for two month as the investigations were being carried out. Good prospered and she was set free but without a job in addition.

Does it profit anyone to do the right thing all the time?

The two month in the remand prison only strengthened her spirit and the unexpected happened the family she had secured the nanny position with called her and offered her the position back.

 Yes she is home now doing what pleases her heart. It was meant for her, it had to be.

LITTLE SURPRISES.

The weekend was good and I went to visit a long time friend who I share a certain passion with and I took the the matatu there. There was this four year old and her mom abound the matatu she was drinking lucozade from a tetra pack and the mom was drinking a soda.

After the packet was empty, the mom offered her the soda and what surprised me is that she shook her head signifying that she was not interested in the soda and in a short while she was fast asleep in her mother’s arms. Pardon me for thinking that children have a sweet tooth.

I had a saloon appointment on Sunday and I found a small girl in the drier and after she was done and left, I found out that my hair dresser had to hurry me along since she was going to the girl’s house to help her dress up for an occasion that was taking place that evening at 7pm. I was insulted since I had made the appointment earlier on but on inquiring if it was a birthday party, I was shocked speechless on learning that the 14 year old girl was getting married on the material day and I wondered if her small body and young age would be able to handle the responsibilities of marriage.

There were stickers all over town in the morning when I got to town and I was in so much hurry to stop and read what was posted until I saw an older gentleman in his late sixties climbing up and peeling them off. What would have prompted him to wake up so early and dangle dangerously to get rid of them?

How was your weekend?

ALCOHOL ABUSE.

Human beings struggle with one form of addiction or another and it’s not easy to overcome an addiction.

A friend of mine introduced me to the party scene where an ordinary night out would start with a glass of wine and we would just have some fun, eat and go home and basically this became a routine .What actually changed was the amount of wine I had since I took more and more to feel a bit of high.

Life has its way of surprising us and due to the more frequency of consumption of alcohol, our friendship broke and now I would go to the bar by myself and switched to stronger spirits since the wine no longer gave me a kick.

Consumption of alcohol when it reaches its peak can make an individual not eat, or bath or even care about anything else but having that drink.

Apparently I would meet a person at a certain venue and we would chat when I was drunk but on meeting them when somber would not even remember having met them. Walking dead becomes a reality in that on waking up the following morning, I would not remember how I got home.

Alcohol on its own has its good value but when abused can be a lethal weapon. It can humiliate and bring an individual to bankrupsy. I lost count of the number of times that I fell over and got scars that are still a reminder of the damage I inflicted on myself.

Someone who has never been addicted to alcohol will never know that it’s a sickness and someone needs help to overcome it. My everyday recommendation is that if you have never consumed it then don’t start because you might be in the few percent that gets addicted, and if you do consume it, please learn your limit and stick to it.

I am very thankful to a particular friend who did not give up on me and even went to an extent of going with me as I had my drink and waited patiently until I was able to overcome that addiction no judgment offered.

What is your addiction?